


Sa saliw ng iyong tinig

by hiraya_manawari



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, I Tried, I took liberties on boom era please don't be angry with me, Just a little bit of Angst, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26104753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiraya_manawari/pseuds/hiraya_manawari
Summary: Jaemin in Renjun's eyes through the years.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 28





	Sa saliw ng iyong tinig

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic, although I based it on Renmin moments captured on camera. I just did some tweaking to fit this universe, I guess. Also!! The italics within the paragraphs are conversations. Just wanna make that clear to avoid confusion :]
> 
> The song used here is Sponge Cola's Kay Tagal Kitang Hinintay. The title is from the lyrics as well. I did some liberties in translating it to English, I hope it still preserved the message. Listen to the song for the feels while reading!

_ Hawakan mo ang aking kamay (grab ahold of my hand) _

_ at tayong dalwa'y maghahasik ng kaligayahan (and the two of us will spread happiness) _

_ bitawan mo ang unang salita (just say the word) _

_ ako'y handa nang tumapak sa lupa (and I'll be ready to set foot on land) _

Renjun and Jaemin met when they were just 15. 15 years of age, by the stairs of the SM basement near one of the practice rooms. One said hello, the other was starstruck. He looks thin, Jaemin had thought. He looks handsome, Renjun thought. And the two of them debuted in the same group, who would've thought. The late night practices and seeking comfort after extremely tiring and physically taxing practices. Renjun looks after Chenle, who was the other Chinese in the group, for a while because of the language barrier.

They get to learn and polish their Korean language, on top of dance practices and vocal lessons and speaking classes. Renjun may be homesick, but he never crumbled in front of the other members. One night, a few days before debut, Jaemin found him crying in one of the practice rooms. All the pressure, the tiredness, the homesickness are getting to Renjun. He had to build his career from scratch, unlike the Korean members who already have fanbases, and Chenle, who is a sweetheart with an established career in China. But Jaemin just smiled and reached for his hand, pulled him up and wiped his tears. 

Jaemin smiles at him. Everything will be alright, we can do it, he says. And Renjun believes him, he believes them when they welcomed him to their group, he believes them even when there was this nagging insecurity whispering in his mind. They debuted successfully. Chewing Gum was a hit, all the injuries gained from the hoverboard all worth it, the fear of falling with no one to catch you. But Jaemin always was there to catch him during practices. Jeno, too, during performances assisted him now whenever he had to ride the hoverboard again after a particular solo part. It was a happy time with blooming friendship between the members and maybe something more for Renjun and Jaemin.

That is, until Jaemin had to take a break for an injury that was consistently nagging him. 

_ Tapos na ang paghihintay, nandito ka na't (the long wait is over, you're already here) _

_ oras ay naiinip, magdahan-dahan (and time is impatient, but i still take it slow) _

_ Sinasamsam bawat gunita (every memory i relive) _

_ Na para bang tayo'y di na tatanda (as if we will not grow old) _

Jaemin's hiatus brought with it a somber mood with the rest of the members. It took them all to fill in the cracks of Jaemin's absence. But he knows. They all know that until Jaemin returns there will always be a Jaemin-shaped hole in the group. They were forbidden to speak of him in public, and Renjun hates it but he has to comply. 

A herniated disk, raptured on Jaemin's back. He still sees Jaemin, he still hangs out with him, with the rest of the members, but the light was dim in his eyes. Whenever they had to leave for practice Jaemin’s face just blanks out, not showing a hint of reaction. Until the manager told them not to hang out much anymore, they need to focus for the comeback and let Jaemin rest and recover. Renjun is scared that this hiatus might be causing more cracks to form between them, because Jaemin is just there but he is also gone. 

When they got their first win for My First and Last, he knew that Mark had to do everything to hold back from speaking about Jaemin. He is happy, but also sad. Jaemin should be here, but he can’t. And he understands. His health is of utmost importance, because if it crumbles, his entire career will follow. So he endures. They all did. Jeno constantly visits Jaemin, and Renjun feels too intrusive whenever he asks how the other is so he just stopped. Jeno still tells him how Jaemin is for the day, as if he knows that is simply just not curiosity, that there was a growing attraction between his members but was cut off short.  _ It’s okay you know. Jaemin is my best friend. You’re our member and friend, you deserve to know every time you ask _ . Jeno’s assurance was a great comfort to Renjun.

_ Ligaya mo'y nasa huli (your happiness is already here) _

_ sambit na ng iyong mga labi (your lips already said it) _

Jaemin decided to undergo surgery, and the doctors said he has a 50/50 chance of recovery. Either he can go back, or quit altogether. Jisung cried in front of Jaemin when they collectively visited him. Donghyuck had to hold back tears and gripped Renjun’s arm hard. Chenle and Jeno tried their best to lighten up the mood, and that’s how they made Jisung stop crying. When they were about to leave, he turned to Jaemin.  _ Everything we’ve done is for you too, what we succeeded in, you succeeded too. So you better recover properly and come back soon. We will be waiting.  _ I will be waiting, but he never said those words. Jaemin’s smile is still the same from a year ago, and he replied,  _ I will come back to you. Wait for me _ .

They were in the middle of We Young promotions when Jaemin had his surgery. Mark and Donghyuck had a falling out and he and Jeno agreed to look after the two to avoid the tension to get to Jisung and Chenle. Renjun becomes closer to Donghyuck because of this, all of his rants about Mark being annoying he received with great understanding. Jeno did the same with Mark. They constantly updated Jaemin on the behind the scenes of their promotions when he was still confined to the hospital, not yet taking the surgery. On the day of his surgery they were scheduled to perform, so even with worry, they had to face it professionally.

Two days after the scheduled surgery was two days of ongoing radio silence from Jaemin. The only news they heard was from their manager, who was contacted by Jaemin’s mother, saying that the surgery was finished, and nothing bad happened. Every night, Renjun wished on the brightest star he could see, hoping that Jaemin could return to them. To him, he avoided thinking. 

We Young promotions ended when they finally got the news, Jaemin can finally return, after physical therapy. 

_ Parang isang panaginip (It's like a dream) _

_ ang muling mapagbigyan (to be given another chance) _

_ tayo'y muling magkasama (the two of us are together again) _

_ ang dati ay balewala (the past does not matter) _

It was really like a dream when they received the news. All six of them gathered around their manager who happily said that Jaemin can finally return. Tears and laughter were shed for their recovering member, and finally NCT Dream could be complete again. He went to guestings and variety show appearances with a happy heart, a brighter smile, a lighter skip in his step. It was contagious, the levels of happiness and excitement the members were feeling for the impending return of Jaemin. The long wait is over in a few month’s time.

They were called by the company to listen to the demo to their new track for NCT 2018 when they finally first saw Jaemin again after months of just text messages or voice calls or discrete interactions in VLive. His smile was the same, his hair was dyed black instead of the chocolate brown it once was when they were promoting Chewing Gum, his face full of pimples, his lips still chapped. But it was Jaemin, physically there, ready to take on Korea and the world after a year of being gone.

Renjun got to know his old friend again. He noticed his voice a little deeper, his height a little taller, his gaze a little stronger, his face more mature than before. He had to tilt his head up to look at him now, compared to the straight gaze he did before. Now, sometimes, he couldn’t tell with Jaemin if it was a grin or a smirk, if he was teasing or serious. And one of those times was when they went to Garosu-gil again, after a long while, to hang out. Just the two of them. Renjun did not understand why his palms were sweaty, his skin clammy, his consciousness of his outfit, when it was just Jaemin, going shopping for things that they like and eat samgyupsal after a long time,. Just Jaemin. Just a little bit more of what he was used to a year ago.

It was then that he realized Jaemin’s new fixation for matching items. At first it was okay, not that noticeable, maybe a cap, a pair of shoes with Jeno and Donghyuck, a bucket hat with Chenle, a hoodie with Jisung. But the most significant one for Renjun was the couple bracelets Jaemin begged to buy with him, silver for the taller and rose gold for the older.  _ Because it matches with our skin tones! _ Jaemin had said. He murmured the next things and Renjun was too entranced with the simple yet beautiful bracelets to listen in to what Jaemin says. Renjun rarely wore it, and until now it is hidden, because he did not want it to be full of scratches. It was a gift from Jaemin after all.

On a VLive where it was Jeno, Jaemin, and Mark, he was caught off guard when Jaemin stuttered and said that the couple bracelets was a birthday gift to Renjun.

_ Nagkita rin ang ating landas (our paths converge once again) _

_ Wala nang iba akong hinihiling (i have no other wish) _

_ kundi ika'y pagmasdan (than to gaze upon you) _

_ Mundo ko ay 'yong niyanig (my entire world was shaken) _

_ oh anong ligaya ika'y sumama sa akin (the happiness i felt now that you are with me) _

Working with Jaemin again felt complete. Their little chaotic group is complete. NCT 2018 was their big project for that year, and GO was well-received by fans, especially since it was Jaemin's return from hiatus. Start of GO promotions also meant new places to go to, new people to meet, new schedules to fulfill, and Renjun, Jeno, and Jisung had to sometimes drag their feet due to lack of sleep. The four of them agreed that Jaemin can have a room to himself, since their manager is rarely at the dorms during their breaks, to give Jaemin ample time for resting, still adjusting to the whirlwind of their activities after a year-long break. He kept Jaemin company if he can, and he switched with Jeno and Jisung to avoid making the other feel uncomfortable, especially in front of fans.

Sometimes, when Jaemin was completely down and he chose to stay in the dorms while the rest of the members go home and their manager went to work, he asked Renjun to cook for him. Now, he may be a decent cook, but he is still not on par with the younger's cooking skills. The other would always always reply that it's fine, he just wanted to eat home-cooked meals, and Chinese food is delicious. Jaemin's favorite was the steam-cooked dumplings that Renjun makes with that special spicy sauce that makes his tongue burn slightly. And when Jaemin would get up and wash the dishes, he always stops him.  _ Let me take care of you, even just for a while. You always do much for us.  _ And Jaemin always allowed him to do that, a big grin reaching up to his eyes decorating his face. His heart skipped a beat, and he always ignored it. 

Renjun knows that Jaemin stares a lot. He stares at Jeno, at Haechan, at Jisung and Mark and Chenle, at him. It unnerved him a lot of the times, because is there something on his face? Did the make-up artist had a mood swing and decided to make Renjun the victim? When they are with the others during lives or filming he always pretend not to notice anything, he laughs a bit louder, a hint of nervousness sinking in when he can feel Jaemin's gaze piercing his skin. And God, whenever Jaemin stares with that small smile on his face at him, he can definitely feel his face heat up lightly, but he has to control it. At the dorms, he returns the favor. He stares when Jaemin cooks, when he hums under his breath and sway lightly to his own beat as he cooks the requests of Jeno and Jisung, just to at the very least understand why Jaemin stares a lot. At him, of all people. And Jaemin,  _ Jaemin  _ freaking smirks whenever he catches Renjun. Even asking suggestive comments at him that causes him to feel flustered and look away immediately. 

Stupid aegyo boys and their stupid handsome faces.

_ nais ko lang humimbing (i just want to fall into slumber) _

_ sa saliw ng iyong tinig (accompanied by the sweetness of your voice) _

We Go Up was their supposed last comeback with Mark, and they gave it their all in performing. They only had Jaemin back for a few months but the impending doom of Mark leaving their group stuck under his throat. Renjun had to swallow over nothing to overcome the nervousness and the sadness. It was definitely taking a mental toll over all of them, and yet Mark did what he does best, and that is to boost up their spirits and cheer them on. They are still in the same company, the same group, just not in the same unit. They do their best to keep it off their minds, enjoying the little time left Mark has with their group.

One particular bad day for Renjun led to late night talks with Jaemin. He was just tired, a little bit angry at the weather even though he loves the rain, a little bit annoyed with too loud noises, and he definitely hated skinship for that day. He never lashed out though, he can't bring himself to treat the other boys badly, he is still a decent person. He just almost snapped at Jaemin when the other pestered to eat when he did not want to. Jaemin frowned at him, dragging him to his room, and turning the lamp desk on. Renjun huffed while sitting on the bed, putting distance between the two of them, and Jaemin settled on his swivel chair. They talked it out after much poking and prodding from Jaemin, which also led to the two of them being each other's confidant when things get too tough to deal with. So, Renjun's habit of lighting scented candles rubbed off on Jaemin as well, not minding it one bit.

Movie nights at their dorms was a common occurrence that they still do until now. Renjun just hates it when it's horror nights, because sometimes his imagination gets a little wild for his liking. That led him to go to Jaemin again, seeking solace from his friend who had been his support and never failed to talk to him on what he should still work on. Jaemin walked to his door when the others retreated to their rooms for the night, leaving him and Renjun to clean up the mess. Renjun follows shortly behind him, with his room being in the same hallway as the younger. Once he entered his own room he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand, noticing that the closet in front of his door was actually peculiarly similar to the closet in the horror movie.  _ Nana-yah, _ he had called, grasping Jaemin's sleeve once Jaemin turned away to walk further to his room,  _ I'm scared _ . Jaemin took his hand, bringing him to the taller's room and pulled him on the bed with him.  _ Is this fine? _ Renjun nodded at the question, still fearful of the closet in his room. Jaemin ran his fingers through the older's hair, tucking Renjun under his chin, humming a soft song to himself. It lulls Renjun to sleep.

He wakes up feeling a lot better, with an empty bed, and the smell of fried rice reaching his nose.

_ Parang isang panaginip (It's like a dream) _

_ ang muling mapagbigyan (to be given another chance) _

_ tayo'y muling magkasama (the two of us are together again) _

_ ang dati ay balewala (the past does not matter) _

_ Panatag na ang kalooban ko (my mind is now at peace) _

_ at ika'y kapiling ko na (now that you're here with me) _

_ oh kay tagal kitang hinintay (oh i've been waiting for you for so long) _

A few weeks before their first comeback without Mark led to a falling out (quite questionable) between him and Jaemin. He did not know what happened, but Jaemin just started to become closed off from him. It did not get better when some new staff started to act differently towards him. It was obvious that they favor his members more, and really, it was okay, until they told him to shut up during filming while showing his vacation photos. It even got worse when it happened again, telling him not to talk about Winwin. Thus, he also became distant from the members. He knows it's not their fault, but now he needed more alone time than ever, just to recharge and strengthen his EQ for the day. He barely talked to Jaemin, thinking he needed time away from Renjun with the way he was behaving. Jeno and Jisung are still there, consoling him, and yet also not knowing quite what to do.  _ It's okay, I'm okay _ . He kept on telling the members, he kept on chanting in his head before he fell asleep, everyday, before, during, and after BOOM promotions. 

That particular day under the rain left him emotionally drained more than ever, so he kept to himself off-camera, not looking to be consoled, and just stayed inside his room on rest days. Chenle literally had to drag him from his room just to hang out with them, and it seemed that the rest also wanted to do just that. He hated pitiful looks, he had bags under his eyes, and it was not what he expected to see from his members. Their faces were full of apology, of understanding, and it shocked Renjun so much because he never really blamed them for anything happening. The rest of the members went to talk to the manager after they reconciled with Renjun, leaving Jaemin alone with him. The taller held out his hand, gesturing for Renjun to take it, and once he did, Jaemin pulled him towards himself, engulfing him in a hug. Jaemin squeezed him lightly, still holding on, and even nuzzled on his shoulder.  _ I'm sorry.  _ He felt Jaemin mouth the words on his neck, and the comfort of those words, the reassurance that they are now okay, caused Renjun to finally tear up. Jaemin just held him through his tears, cupping his face and wiping the tears with his thumbs.  _ Everything will be okay _ . 

.

.

.

.

.

"Hey Jaemin." Renjun calls out. They're back to what they were before, comfortable with the skinship. Jaemin hums, tilting his head towards Renjun. The two were alone in the kitchen, Jeno and Jisung playing video games in Jeno's room while the two of them prepare midnight snacks. "I've liked you since we were 15. You don't need to say anything, I just want to let you know." Renjun was still chopping up the ingredients Jaemin asked him to, not looking for the other's reaction. Of course he is afraid, it's Jaemin, but he also knows that Jaemin won't treat him differently just because of his feelings being greater than what it should be.

He heard a clang from the bowl in front of him, and when he looked up, Jaemin is frozen, as if stunned by his words. His intense gaze is not like the ones before, but this expression being genuinely surprised. He watched as Jaemin's face slowly split into a fond grin, eyes softening for Renjun, and that is when it hit him. Jaemin had always been looking at Renjun with fondness. 

"I'm glad. I'm so glad because I'm so afraid that I was looking at the wrong signs. You're way too oblivious Renjun, but for what it's worth, I like you too. Ever since we were 15, too."

Jaemin went beside Renjun, looking at him with that fond gaze again. _So that's what it was, fondness, adoration._ _Maybe love_. Jaemin gently wraps his arms around Renjun, leaning slightly so that they were nose to nose. "Can I kiss you?"

Renjun grins, "Yes."

_ Oh kay tagal kitang hinintay _

_ Oh kay tagal kitang hinintay _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I just did this for a few hours after getting hit by inspiration. This is extremely unedited so I apologize for any mistakes. I might publish another longer Renmin one soon. :]
> 
> Happy 4th year anniversary, Dreamies!
> 
> come scream in my [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/MayReenRin)!!!


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